Connection
What does it mean to be connected in your relationships? While seemingly simple, it can be difficult to define. What feels like connection for one may not feel like connection for another.
What does connection with another person feel like for you? Take a moment to notice. Does it involve simply being in each others presence, doing an activity, laughing, the absence of conflict? Does it involve deep conversation, physical touch, eye contact, processing emotions?
As humans, we do not do well when we feel alone. There is extensive research on the negative impact of feeling disconnected; it is terrible for our health. Everything in our DNA points to a need for healthy connections with other humans.
The good news is that there are many different ways for us to experience the connection our bodies need to feel good. The more difficult part is that it can be both hard to define what kind of connection we need, and how to experience that in our relationships.
Connection comes in many forms. It can include a marriage or partner relationship, friendship, God or Higher Power, extended family network, or group or community.
This pandemic has created particular challenges for feeling connected, despite all of our great technology. I believe we will be studying and learning about the impact the decease of in person human interaction has had on us for a long time. Fortunately, we already have access to the best way for us to understand our own connection needs: our bodies.
Were you able to identify how you feel most connected with the people in your life? If not, take a moment now to notice. Pay attention to your gut feeling when you imagine connecting in different ways. Notice what you feel in your body in different kinds of connection. Stay with that a moment.
Your best experience of connection may be anything from simply being in a room together to having a deep conversation where the tears flow and hearts are shared. There is no wrong way to connect.
First, identify what helps you feel connected, what helps your body exhale a sigh that says ‘I’m ok.’ Then consider sharing that with someone close to you. Not as a demand or expectation but simply as an awareness of yourself. Invite that person to get curious about how they best feel connected and to share it with you as well.
If that feels too much to try, simply notice your connection needs within yourself, honoring that good desire to feel connected. Even just acknowledging our own connection needs is a way to connect within.
Identify a way to experience a little more of the connection you desire. Initiate a good conversation with a loved one, schedule a zoom game night with family or friends, join a group, spend time meditating or connecting with your faith practice, cuddle up next to your partner, hold a gaze with someone you love.
Your need to feel connected to others is a human need…a biological, psychological, emotional and spiritual need. Rather than ignoring that need or believing we can go it alone, let’s get better at noticing and responding to the connection needs within ourselves and in others. Our bodies and our world desperately need it.